He was sweet and inquisitive, and she was funny and a little shy. They each asked me questions, while he held her hand between their beers. I immediately liked that he was openly affectionate toward her, while at the same time trying to learn more about me. I was hoping to be their unicorn. Simple adjustments to my online dating profiles opened the gate for messages from couples—and a rush of options.
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Now, in my late 20s, this was a new kind of first date—one with a couple. They said they were curious about threesomes, but had never tried because navigating the world of polyamory felt like a minefield. As a person with a comically massive reserve of anxiety, I too fear uncharted territory. Throughout my life, this cognitive dissonance was only further complicated by external judgment I received for my impulses to try unconventional things. I now understand that my curiosity, open-mindedness, and sense of adventure are three nonnegotiable, defining elements of my identity.
The bisexual community has an inside joke that describes what it's like to date as a bi person: People think it means double the options or double the fun, but it really just means double the rejection. Self-deprecating jokes like this one are at the core of the Single People Club regardless of sexuality, but bisexual people do face extra roadblocks in the dating world. True: Online dating sucks for everyone. Horny jerks disguise themselves as relationship seekers, your DMs are constantly filled with bad pickup lines and overly-persistent creeps, and many times, the site's algorithm ignores the filters that you've set. But the fact that there are no dating sites that cater specifically to bi people means that they're frequently swiping on people who don't take bisexuality seriously.